Stressed Out

Of the 5 adults in my immediate family: my parents, my brother, my husband and me; all of us have been affected by the economic downturn, 4 of the 5 having lost a job or suffered a large reduction in earnings and mom having suffered losses in her retirement funds.  I think all of us are suffering some feelings of isolation and depression.  My mother told me yesterday that she's had to see a counselor because she is so upset about my situation and our plans.  I give her stress, and she returns the favor: now she tells me she doesn't care enough about her stuff that's in our house to pay for shared storage when we move.  So all the stuff I'm going to want to send for when I settle down somewhere, including hundreds of books, my pots and pans and dishes, craft supplies and tools, household linens, clothes, and a couple of pieces of family heirloom furniture, I now have to figure out how to store.  My brother and my dad both rent rooms in someone else's house, and my husband plans to do the same, so there's no one to keep stuff for me, and I'll have no choice but to spend a large chunk of my very limited income on a rented storage space for a while.  I don't understand why my mother, who often throws money at us, is balking at paying for the storage, and making me feel like a moocher for even mentioning it.  Obviously we need to talk about the ground rules of this relationship, because they are not clear to me. 

My husband showed up for the weekend, and I dearly needed his help.  But still, I wish he weren't here.  My husband has an unfortunate character flaw: when I am distraught, rather than offering support or even indifference, he turns savagely cruel.  It's a trait that makes it hard not to hate him.  Considering I'm facing a job loss and the disintegration of my marriage, preparing for an international move and for economic and cultural decline, all while raising a difficult child mostly on my own, I think it's pretty understandable that I feel like crying or screaming much of the time.  I can't have someone around who makes me feel much worse.  He managed to make me feel bad again about taking his son away, before he started telling me that I shouldn't worry about our son's future because (in the event that I can't support him, I guess) he has a father who is, he proudly boasts, willing and able to pay someone to take care of him 24 hours a day, and who will send him to public school where he will learn to be social, instead of homeschooling him like his crazy mother wants to.  And that my desire to see my son happy, well-educated and well-adjusted makes me "the most stubborn, pig-headed person in the world".  Thank you dear for unburdening me of guilt.

Not all is gloomy and I am trying to think positively.  I found a garden task suitable for a 2-and-a-half-year-old to participate in: picking potato bugs and dropping them in soapy water.  I took a leatherworking class and made a Coptic-stitched hand-bound leather book, which was fun and stress-relieving.  I long to do more leatherworking but it's hard to do anything at home.  My mom is sending me two books about living in Panama, and I am looking forward to reading them.  We desperately need to settle on a destination we can both get excited about, and I am trying not to be so attached to my picture of what that needs to be.  I made a prioritized list of requirements and asked my mom to do the same.  She will be here in less than a week!