Resolutions

So, I'm back, sort of.  I've given up on this blog becoming even modestly popular or important, and accepted that it's going to be me thinking out loud with an occasional spectator.  I've also concluded that online forums and Facebook are always going to be unsatisfactory, and that I'm probably never going to have a close friendship again, much less the often-touted "chosen family" to compensate for my absent biological family and unhappy marriage.  Whatever I'm going to do in this life, I'm going to have to do it on my own.

I did accomplish some things in 2011.  I got a greenhouse, did more canning than I ever had before, got the upstairs of my house remodeled and cleaned out.  We started building a large shed with a loft, part of which may become a goat shelter.  I kicked my diet soda habit and learned to make an elderberry syrup, a daily dose of which has kept my son and me illness-free so far this season. 

Food has been a focus up till now, and will continue to be.  My goals this year include foraging wild foods; using cover crops, sheet compost, and our improved chicken tractor to build soil; building a solar dehydrator; growing all our chicken feed; completing a large hugelkultur; finishing the shed; and planting 3 fruit trees.  I am thinking about getting miniature goats, but I'm not sure I can bring myself to get up early in the morning all winter long to go out and milk them.  I am taking a beekeeping class next month and, thanks to a beekeeping friend, may be able to get one of the much-in-demand local nucs this spring.

But I also want to focus on herbal medicine this year.  Health is the one thing that, in my opinion, doesn't get enough attention (probably because people are afraid to write about it on the internet).  I was thinking about my dad, about his totally unsustainable lifestyle, and I had to admit that my dad is in no imminent danger of starving or freezing or being eaten by zombies, and that the biggest threat to his survival is probably his health.  And, although I'm obviously much younger, the same is probably true of me.  I'm too fat, and I've suffered from untreated moderately high blood pressure since my son was born.  I live in a failed marriage with an angry man, have a demanding 3-year-old, and I'm a natural worrier and control freak, so I have a fair amount of stress.  I don't have health insurance.  If I really assess my situation honestly, health is a big concern.  Not that I would care if it was just me, but the thought of my son being raised by his father or any of his grandparents is terrifying to me.

A recent change in immigration laws means that my husband should be able to get his "green card" this year.  So that is going to be a priority.  He will be able to earn more money and have more job security, and freedom to visit his family.  We will have to save several thousand dollars for all the fees and the required travel to Honduras. 

My mother is wavering now on whether she wants to go to Mexico or not.  She clearly doesn't trust me and the information she gets from other sources is contradictory and confusing, and she doesn't even really want to think about retirement and getting older, so she'd rather put off even the exploratory trip a few more years.  I, on the other hand, always feel like the window is slowly closing for me, and if I don't go in the next couple of years, I won't be able to go at all.  I just can't figure out how to travel by myself with a 3-year-old.   It's getting harder to leave even briefly as I build up more responsibilities and complexities around my now-constant presence at home.  I'll be starting the first seeds of the season today, and the garden won't really give me a vacation opportunity until November, and I'm not sure I can trust anyone else to take over for a while (see "control freak", above.)  But there are days I feel like my home, my garden, and my stuff actually own me, rather than me owning them.